I almost died on Bourbon Street*

I regret that in New Orleans, a place with much to offer tourists, my only sightseeing was on Bourbon Street.

Don't go to Bourbon Street. You cannot avoid the filth. It is magnified on posters, blaring through loud speakers and being hollered at you in the street. Anyway, here's my Bourbon Street story:

The evening started with an electrical transformer explosion that forced us to make different dinner plans after the cabi had left us stranded on Bourbon street. My coworkers were super excited for crayfish and jambalaya.

We waited for our meal for more than an hour, only to be told, "We're out of the jambalaya, and if you're dissatisfied with that, well, there's not much I can do about it."

Excuse me? We never got our dinner salads, half of the entrees are missing, we've waited an hour, it's starting to rain on us and there's not much you can do about it?

We left in a huff and flagged cab. This is us happy to be headed home.



Our driver had some sort of horrendous sinus condition and he kept making a noise kind of like a pulling a stiff zipper, but thick and juicy.

Every time he'd make this noise, my boss (with one glass of wine in her) would start giggling uncontrollably and say, "We have to get out of here!" in a perfectly audible "whisper." It was so embarrassing.

Like in New York, the cabbies creep along the streets trying to avoid tourists, and anytime the street clears, the cabby guns it. It's the only way to make any progress.

Our cabby was doing this when he gunned it into an intersection. This is what I remember:
-- Acceleration: Pushed back in my seat.
-- Coworker shrieks
-- Thought: We're going to hit someone
-- Observe: No one in front of us
-- Glance right: HOLY CRAP THERE IS A HUGE SUV COMING AT US **

The cabby couldn't decide to stop or go, so we lurched a few times as the SUV slammed on its breaks. Luckily, it stopped with its huge lights inches from the passenger windows. I felt like I was in Jurassic Park, with T-rex staring in the window.

This is us before the scare:



This is us after almost dying:



Just kidding. It's actually just a really ugly picture of us.



* This is a blatant exagerration to get your attention. I followed Cowboy's advice from "Newsies."
** Can you tell I just read "The Road"? Beautiful story. I started crying on the train at the end. I have no hope for the movie. ***
*** Marie, I hope you don't mind I'm ripping off your astrisk technique.